My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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