i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
