Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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