Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
