dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
