was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
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We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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