Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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