theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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