And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
