I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
