Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
