Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
