well I can't set my house on fire every night
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we're making bets on your personal life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize