Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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