Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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