Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
two words: eviction party
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
