Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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