The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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