I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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