My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
