Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Someone came in the potted fern
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
