I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
