Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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