FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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