I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
