I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Houston, we have a squirter
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
