It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
