Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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