i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
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there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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