Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
