Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
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There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart