"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
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Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag