i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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