five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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