We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
