I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
