he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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