I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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