i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
