I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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