my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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