i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
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Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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