I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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