I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I could fuck to npr.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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