I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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