I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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