and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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