what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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