Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
