and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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