don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
