Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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